Single Jesus

Last week I took a selfie of my heart and wrote honestly of the selfishness that plagues many of us, but especially young unmarried women.  This week I want to ask, "Have you ever considered Christ's singleness?"

I can almost see many of you purse your lips, squint your eyes, and ponder that question.   

We consider Amy Carmichael's singleness, we consider Corrie Ten Boom's singleness, and we consider Paul's singleness.  But we never quite stop to consider that the only perfect example we have was also single!  The realization that Christ was single on earth, still looking ahead to the glorious day when He could receive His bride, the church, was paradigm-shattering for me.  (Click here to read what I wrote when I first recognized this.)

What does this mean for me?

If Christ was tempted in every way that I am, then that means that He too was tempted to discontentment and selfishness .

Hebrews 2:17-18 provides two of the most comforting verses in Scripture: "Therefore, in all things He had to be made like His brethren, that He might be a merciful and faithful High Priest in things pertaining to God, to make propitiation for the sins of the people. For in that He Himself has suffered, being tempted, He is able to aid those who are tempted."

When Pity attempts to throw you a party, remember that Jesus admitted in Matthew 8:20 that He had "nowhere to lay His head." 

When Selfishness attempts to suck you in to put "Me Me Me" at the top of the priority list, remember that Jesus only had 33 years on earth to accomplish His purpose.  I fear these are the years that we singles waste the most, using them to grow up in the world rather than to change the world.

Jesus was not defined by singleness, but by His Sonship to His Father.  So I should not be defined by my relationship status, but by my daughtership to the King!

Nowhere in Scripture is Christ called "unmarried." 

Nowhere in Scripture is Christ called "single."

So while, yes, it is encouraging to consider that Christ is our perfect example in singleness, it is telling to understand that He is called Son of God at least 45 times, and that He refers to God as His Father even more than that.  

The beauty and mystery of each of our life stories will come into focus only from the vantage point of eternity.  For then we will realize that even the God-ordained relationship of marriage is only temporary, and the fullness of eternity brings with it the marriage of us, the Bride of Christ, to Christ Himself.  

With an engagement like that, who could waste this betrothal period of life in selfishness?

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“Camargue Horse,” © 2008 wolfgang staudt, used under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial license: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc/3.0/.
Scripture taken from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Selfie of a Single

Are all your friends getting married, but you've resigned yourself to the fact that the only way you'll ever find The One is if Prince Charming drops from the sky onto your windshield?

Did you spend Valentine's Day in pajamas?

Did you move your purity ring from your left hand to your right because you were tired of people asking if you were engaged?

If you answered yes to any of the above questions, then I hate to break it to you, but you are probably single!

Sarcasm aside, if God has you single right now, you can trust that you are in the best place possible to fulfill His will through you.  And the moment that changes, it won't take men dropping from the sky for you to notice!

In the meantime, I have noticed a troubling trend in myself as well as in other single girls.  It is a problem found both among unbelievers and believers.  It is a disability that threatens to blind us to the beautiful purposes for which God has us single right now, and render us unfit in God's army.

Wake up, my single sister, and  smell the odor of selfishness.  

As singles, we are particularly prone to this sin. 

Let's face it: you really have no choice but to die to self when you're waking up for 2 am and 6 am feedings every night (have fun, Mikaela!).  

You have no choice but to die to self when facing a mountain of chores and housework and entrepreneurial endeavors and homeschooling all at once!  

While not all married women are supremely selfless, marriage tends to refine you in that area rather quickly!  On the other hand, just like our shower seems to be the perfect Petri dish for mildew no matter how hard or often I scrub it, so the single years seem to be the perfect breeding ground for selfishness.  

But they don't have to be if you discover a few important truths.

Realize that isolation and insulation are the greatest allies of selfishness. 

Picture this: sweat pants on, bowl of ice cream in hand, your favorite movie or book at the ready, and you are set for a single's date night.  

I find that it is always at this juncture that a family member bursts into my room with a world calamity/English question/announcement that I have a pile of dishes to wash that rivals the Eiffel Tower in height.  And of course I respond, "Why thank you for giving me this sanctifying opportunity to deny myself!"

In all seriousness, though, my response when I pull my face out of that bowl of ice cream is the best gauge I know of for testing where my heart is at and who is on its throne.  And this is a huge part of why I continue to live at home.  As an adult under my parents' roof, I have freedom and adulthood, but I am also brought face to face daily with my own ugliness: I am selfless only as long as my own plans are not thwarted or my own comfort is not threatened. 

While I recognize that living on your own takes its own set of responsibility and dishwashing skills, there is really nothing like living in close quarters with fellow sons of Adam and daughters of Eve to bring selfishness to the surface, ready to be rooted out!  And there is nothing like isolating and insulating yourself from relationship for breeding selfishness like rabbits.

So seek out accountability.   Seek out opportunities to immerse yourself in relationships and service.  These are the greatest enemies of selfishness.

 

Check back next week for the conclusion of this post!

Why My First Kiss Was on My Wedding Day

Kissing is Beautiful in the Marriage Context

I grew up around kissing; my Papa and Mama demonstrated it regularly for all their children to see. When I was still in the pigtail stage, I’d tease them by exclaiming “gross!” But secretly, I didn’t think it was disgusting. When I was in the braces stage, I’d look the other way—but secretly, I delighted in the inexplicable security that came from seeing my parents kiss. And eventually, when I was in the “I-guess-maybe-I’m-an-adult-now?” stage, I’d smile at my parents’ romance and hope for the day when I, too, had someone to kiss. After years of observing it and now 5 months into practicing it myself, I can say with certainty that kissing is a wonderful gift. “Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth! For your love is better than wine {Song of Songs 1:2 ESV}.” 

Kissing Outside of Marriage Risks Temptation

So I grew up around kissing, but I also grew up being taught to save my kisses for marriage. I was encouraged to wait for that time when I had joined together with a man in the covenant of marriage—and only then to kiss my man. “Marriage [is] honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge {Hebrews 13:4}.” Once I grew past the pigtails and braces stage, however, I began to understand more fully why it might be a good idea to wait on kissing. And on the day of my wedding, when Joel and I had our first kiss, I understood even more. “So this is why we waited!” Joel and I said to each other.

  

Scripture doesn’t say that kissing outside of marriage is a sin; nor do I believe for one moment that unmarried kisses are sin. Nevertheless, God has a lot to say about lust, fornication, and adultery—and none of it is good. He warns against even a hint of such things {Ephesians 5:3}, and He commands us to flee youthful lusts and follow the things of God out of a pure heart {II Timothy 2:22}.  Jesus raised the bar on sexual immorality when He said that just lusting after a woman was committing adultery with her {Matthew 5:28}. Wanting to kiss is a natural desire—but acting on that desire outside of marriage opens the door to temptation and can easily lead to sin. “But each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed. Then, when desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, brings forth death. Do not be deceived, my beloved brethren {James 1:14-16}.”

Love Your Neighbor, not Kiss Your Neighbor 

One of the greatest ways Joel loved me (and I'm not just talking about romantic love, but also the second-greatest-commandment-love-your-neighbor kind of love) in our 19-month “pre-married” relationship was by exercising self-control and not kissing me. Likewise, this was a way I showed my love for him. For us, kissing each other at that point would have been purely selfish—fulfilling our own personal desires, knowing full well that the satisfaction and fulfillment of those desires would give birth to sin. As a sinner saved by the blood of Jesus Christ and operating under the astounding grace of God, I certainly had the liberty to kiss before marriage. (Remember? It’s not a sin.) But as I matured from my reasoning of “my parents say I shouldn’t and it’s gross anyways” to “I want to kiss this man that I love so much, but I also earnestly desire to walk in the Spirit,” I realized that my flesh and the Spirit are at war. “For you, brethren, have been called to liberty; only do not [use] liberty as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another. For all the law is fulfilled in one word, [even] in this: "You shall love your neighbor as yourself." ...I say then: Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh. For the flesh lusts against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; and these are contrary to one another, so that you do not do the things that you wish {Galatians 5:13-14, 16-17}.” 

I Waited Until My Wedding Day to Have My First Kiss Because I’m a Sinner

Notice that I didn’t say I “saved” my first kiss for my wedding day. Nor was there any mention during our ceremony that our public kiss was also our first. By waiting to kiss until August 30, 2014, Joel and I were not proving that we are Christians on steroids, or that our purity exceeds that of all the other Christians who have kissed before their wedding day. 1 John 1:8 says, “If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us.” If our deliberate choice says anything about us, it says that we are sinners who fall and fail every single day. It says that we recognized the war going on inside of us between the Spirit and the flesh, and that we wanted to give no opportunity to ourselves to sin.

Were we nervous about our first kiss (in front of 420 people no less!)? Certainly. Was it awkward? Not in the least. It was one of the sweetest, most romantic moments of my life—and it only got better from there. Have you considered waiting to kiss until your wedding day? I ask you to prayerfully consider it—not as some legalistic expression of holy, pious purity, but as a meaningful way to love your man (or woman) “as yourself” and as a practical way to avoid the progression of sin. It’s worth the wait! 

Happy Valentine's Day!

Photographs from our wedding taken by the incomparable Christa Taylor

Honeymoon in the San Juan Islands

hon·ey·moon

ˈhənēˌmo͞on/

noun

noun: honeymoon; plural noun: honeymoons

1. a vacation spent together by a newly married couple.
2. "romantic hand-holding breakfasts together on their honeymoon"
3. from the idea that the first month of marriage is the sweetest
4. 
   

Humorous and not-so-humorous honeymoon anecdotes abound (we missed our flight! we forgot our luggage! we got third-degree burns from the sun!). Amazingly, however, none of these or any other mishaps occured on our honeymoon! Aside from the general fatigue and recovery from the wedding preparations, our honeymoon week was as near-perfect as one can get this side of heaven. Joel planned every detail beautifully, Providential blessings showered down upon us, and we basked in the joy of being together.

After a day in Seattle and two days of tearful goodbyes with our families, we flew home and were so blessed by a wedding reception our church here in Maryland threw for us! 

                            hon·ey·moon

The first month after marriage, when there is nothing but tenderness and pleasure.

~ Samuel Johnson

{Dear Mr. Johnson, may I amend your quote to say "the first two months after marriage"? For I can certainly attest to the fact that these sixty days have been nothing but tenderness and pleasure. Methinks my enjoyment of marriage might even stretch into three months, six months, thirty months, or thirty years! Will you wait three decades for my report?}

Joel and Mikaela Begin Their Happily Ever After

My eyes opened in the weak light of a five AM dawn and adrenaline coursed through my body. This was no ordinary wake up. This was the wake-up Joel and I had been counting since May. 90 days and a wake up...73 days and a wake up...46 days and a wake up...29 days and a wake up...11 days and a wake up...2 days and a wake up...a wake up...August 30th was upon me, and my heart throbbed with the excitement of marrying my Joel.

Two of my dearest friends--Lauren and Sarah--were beside me, enjoying one last night sleeping on the floor together as we had scores of times throughout our childhood, teens, and adult years. Together we got up and began our Saturday.

The morning passed quickly in a beautifully girly tangle of bobby pins, hairspray, tea, hairspray, laughter, hairspray, and chatter. My nervous energy began to ebb, thanks to the dear women around me, and by the time we left for the church, ducking under umbrellas in the driving rain, I felt peaceful and calm--yet still incurably excited.

At the church, we dressed under the watchful eyes of my three sweet flower girls and the attentive lens of my photographer. Tears sprang out without warning, especially when my bridesmaids laid hands on me and prayed for me. I posed for pictures, hugged friends, and sat down to write a card to Joel with a heart full to the brim. What was this moment only thirty minutes away now? How could it be that in a few short hours, my name would be changed, my home would be changed, and my life would be changed? The greatest mystery of all, however, was that upon being faced with change of such import, I found myself not scared, or nervous, or worried, or uncertain. I am in love with this man, absolutely. I adore him and ardently admire him.

So as I wrote a love note to my dear man, I felt nothing but excitement, anticipation, confidence, serenity, and purpose. As I held his hand and prayed with him before the ceremony (without actually seeing each other!), I felt elation and deep, abiding love for this good man. 

As I walked into the hallway with my bridesmaids and flower girls, as I received my bouquet, as we sang "Favorite Things" and other songs to keep ourselves from crying, I felt awe and wonder. 

As Papa took my arm and looked at me and cried, I felt wistful and breathless. As he and I stood behind closed double doors, knowing our turn was next, I felt alert, expectant, sanguine, and joyous. 

Those doors opened and I saw the sanctuary filled with hundreds of friends and family--dear, familiar faces in every pew!--and then I saw him. My groom, my handsome Joel, my soon-to-be husband. I felt buoyant and enraptured.

The ceremony was a sacred hour, and it seemed as though in the blink of an eye, the year and a half of waiting was over, and the man before me was my husband, and I was his wife. Oh the joy!

Great was the merriment and celebration at the reception. Friends worked hard to serve the food while other friends and family shared words of wisdom and advice. The Best Man (Joel's brother, Adam) shared beautiful words of blessing to us that brought tears to our eyes, and the Maid of Honor (Lauren) told a story that made me sob and ache for the delight of being her sister and twin. Joel and I basked in the glow of being married, fed each other cake (nicely), and five hours after the ceremony began, we dashed through a mass of bubbles and glitter and escaped in a stunning old car.

And then? Well, we're living happily ever after. God is good!

Joel and Mikaela's Story

~ Read our Love Story

~ Our reunion in the midst of out-of-our-control circumstances and a 3,000 mile separation: Raindrops on Roses

~ The struggles of unemployment and of waiting and trusting in God: Jesus Wept {With Me}

 

~ Joel's Graduation from Law School

~ Together for the New Year after 4 months apart: Keeping Christmas

~ Together in March and 11 months into our engagement: On the Other Side of the Continent

~ God provides a job for Joel! Waiting in God's Best

 

~ Life gets busy: {Right Now I Am}

~ Wedding Plans

~ A summary of August and the wedding: For Everything...Thank You

~ Lauren's Maid of Honor speech: A Story for You

~ The Week of the Wedding: Preparing for the Long Walk

For more pictures of the wedding, another perspective on the day, and to check out an amazing photographer, click here (i.e. the blog of Christa Taylor, our wonderful photographer). All pictures taken by her!