Lauren and Mikaela--identical twins living on opposite coasts--blog about the story of life and their adventures in faith.

3.18.2015

Selfie of a Single





Are all your friends getting married, but you've resigned yourself to the fact that the only way you'll ever find The One is if Prince Charming drops from the sky onto your windshield?

Did you spend Valentine's Day in pajamas?

Did you move your purity ring from your left hand to your right because you were tired of people asking if you were engaged?

If you answered yes to any of the above questions, then I hate to break it to you, but you are probably single!

Sarcasm aside, if God has you single right now, you can trust that you are in the best place possible to fulfill His will through you.  And the moment that changes, it won't take men dropping from the sky for you to notice!

In the meantime, I have noticed a troubling trend in myself as well as in other single girls.  It is a problem found both among unbelievers and believers.  It is a disability that threatens to blind us to the beautiful purposes for which God has us single right now, and render us unfit in God's army.

Wake up, my single sister, and  smell the odor of selfishness.  

As singles, we are particularly prone to this sin. 
Let's face it: you really have no choice but to die to self when you're waking up for 2 am and 6 am feedings every night (have fun, Mikaela!).  

You have no choice but to die to self when facing a mountain of chores and housework and entrepreneurial endeavors and homeschooling all at once!  

While not all married women are supremely selfless, marriage tends to refine you in that area rather quickly!  On the other hand, just like our shower seems to be the perfect Petri dish for mildew no matter how hard or often I scrub it, so the single years seem to be the perfect breeding ground for selfishness.  

But they don't have to be if you discover a few important truths.

Realize that isolation and insulation are the greatest allies of selfishness. 
Picture this: sweat pants on, bowl of ice cream in hand, your favorite movie or book at the ready, and you are set for a single's date night.  

I find that it is always at this juncture that a family member bursts into my room with a world calamity/English question/announcement that I have a pile of dishes to wash that rivals the Eiffel Tower in height.  And of course I respond, "Why thank you for giving me this sanctifying opportunity to deny myself!"

In all seriousness, though, my response when I pull my face out of that bowl of ice cream is the best gauge I know of for testing where my heart is at and who is on its throne.  And this is a huge part of why I continue to live at home.  As an adult under my parents' roof, I have freedom and adulthood, but I am also brought face to face daily with my own ugliness: I am selfless only as long as my own plans are not thwarted or my own comfort is not threatened. 

While I recognize that living on your own takes its own set of responsibility and dishwashing skills, there is really nothing like living in close quarters with fellow sons of Adam and daughters of Eve to bring selfishness to the surface, ready to be rooted out!  And there is nothing like isolating and insulating yourself from relationship for breeding selfishness like rabbits.

So seek out accountability.   Seek out opportunities to immerse yourself in relationships and service.  These are the greatest enemies of selfishness.
 
Check back next week for the conclusion of this post!

14 comments:

  1. Great post, Lauren! Thank you!

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    1. Thanks Kate--good to hear from you!

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  2. Thank you so much for the timely post, Lauren. I think it is easy for us single young ladies to think that being a wife and a mother will somehow be "easier". Wrong! What perfect training ground God has for us in our families right now to learn this selflessness that He desires for us to have. It is so true that God has each of us right where He needs us in order to bring Him the greatest glory. If singleness is where He has us, then we can bring Him glory through that-- I want to be ready to serve Him in whatever capacity He sees fit for me right now, and throughout my life. Embrace where He has me! When (IF) He will be greater glorified through marriage in my life later down the road, then He has NO problem bringing that about... in HIS timing!

    Thank you again for the post-- it really spoke to me!

    Blessings to you,
    Amanda

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    1. Amen! I couldn't have said it better, Amanda!

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  3. Yes, yes, yes! So true. It's really easy to feel like I ought to own my time, my priorities, my activities...and then I John tells us that all we "ought" to do is lay down our lives for those around us. It's such hard work to identify all the rights we feel like we deserve, and then giving them up is even harder. And yet, what kind of beautiful, fulfilling reward we receive, as letting go of our desires causes us to hear our Savior's more clearly! This is definitely something I need to work on...

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    1. I John is definitely great at the hard-hitting truth! But we can always keep each other accountable for selflessness together!

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  4. Great post Lauren; I'm sure it will be a real encouragement to other singles who read it!

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  5. Hey Lauren! I love your post. I'm just wondering, what are your plans if God doesn't choose to give you a husband and instead calls you to singleness? Will you still live in your parents house with your siblings and teach piano, or would you do something else? Sarah M xx

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    1. Hi Sarah! Thanks for reading and for your question. The beautiful part of being a Christ-follower is that He gives direction and grace for each step of the way. That said, the scheduling part of me wants to have my 20 year plan all mapped out right now! And while planning and goal-setting are fantastic, in my case my weakness is wanting to take too much control instead of letting God lead.
      Right now and for the near future God has me home in my singleness, and I know this is definitely the ideal place for me.
      There could always be different circumstances in which God might move me elsewhere in the future, but certain parameters would not change (like not isolating or insulating myself, as I discussed above!), and right now, I am blessed to be home!

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  6. Have you thought of preparing for a career of some kind? Or becoming involved in your community doing volunteer work? We (all of us) are commanded to help widows and orphans, for example. I think you would be happier and feel more accomplished if you were involved in your community to a greater extent.

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    1. Anonymous--You missed the heart of the post and skipped right to your own presuppositions about my life. The heart of my post was to avoid isolation and insulation. Helping widows, orphans, doing ministry, serving, and volunteering are some of most amazing things single women could do, and I count it a privilege to involve myself in some of these ways. I am happy, satisfied, and very busy here where God has me!

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  7. Amazing!! Wish I had read that while I was single!

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    1. Thanks, Jenni! It is wonderful to hear coming from someone who is married and has 20/20 vision looking back on singleness! (-;

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