Girls can be mean. Or so I’ve been told. And my own experience would seem to corroborate the scientific fact that every girls carries with her the potential to be mean. There were times when I claimed a monopoly on my friends—“I’m reserving this whole row of seats around her so don’t even bother coming within five yards”--without even thinking through how much that hurt others. And there were times when the monopoly was flipped and I was suddenly nonexistant to girls who had been good friends before another girl came along. It hurt.
These days, of course, friend dilemmas are much less middle school-esque. Or maybe they’re just middle school in a college sort of way. We have logic this time around, which goes something like: “We just don’t click. That girl—she is so sweet and lovely and wonderful. Funny thing, though—we don’t click.” So we sigh “oh well” at the mysterious lack of clicking and run across the room to the girl we click noisily and jubilantly with. But what of the girl left behind?
I am not denying, but acknowledging, that there are girls you naturally hit it off with (including for me, for example, every girl who has ever read my blog :-). And I am not denying that there are those girls with whom you can chat and laugh and enjoy their company—but you simply don’t have anything in common and you are always wracking your brain for a new topic of conversation to keep the small talk going. And I am definitely not denying that if God has given you the gift of a close friend—a kindred spirit—then you should cherish that gift and value it greatly, for it is a special blessing from God. What I have realized, however, is that that is not even a shadow of an excuse for overlooking the other girls with whom you may not click.
What relevance does being a tomboy versus a girly girl or a music-lover versus a gardening whiz have on two girls who are bound by the blood of Christ? For that matter, what relevance does homeschool grad versus public school student or stay at home daughter versus working girl have on showing the love of Christ? None whatsoever!
James 2:2-6 commands us not to show partiality to the rich girl, not to flock to the side of the girl who is always well dressed with cute shoes and perfect hair, while leaving the girl who missed the memo on the fall fashion trends and couldn’t afford them even if she hadn’t with just a "Hi." So while you might not catch us being partial to the girl who drives to church in a convertible, handing out friendship in proportion to riches is definitely not all James is referring to.
James 2:8-9 says, “If you really fulfill the royal law according to the Scripture, "You shall love your neighbor as yourself," you do well; but if you show partiality, you commit sin, and are convicted by the law as transgressors.”
Any partiality--not just partiality based on riches.
Partiality based on outward appearance, partiality based on age, partiality based on interests, partiality based on convictions she has or doesn’t have, partiality based on personality, and yes, even partiality based on the aforementioned “clicking.” It’s all sin if it means not showing love to a neighbor. There is nothing wrong with the honest truth that someone may never be your best friend—the problem comes when you never even give them a chance, when you go out of your way to avoid that person.
I have made so many mistakes in this area; so many lessons about friends and partiality I have learned the hard way. Here’s one of them: girls definitely have every potential to be mean and catty, but God created us to love and nurture regardless of common interests—to cry with each other when we are hurt, to e-mail each other just to say “I was thinking about you,” to run across the parking lot to give a hug, and to be the first to walk up to a new person and say, “Hi, I’m Lauren.” That's what the second greatest commandment is all about, and it has nothing to do with clicking with a person. It does, however, have everything to do with the fact that you may never know how much one little action of love might mean to a person’s lonely, yearning heart, and that you may never know just how much you needed her timely encouragement and love. And someday, as a side bonus, you may be talking to that person, hear something in the background, and wonder, "Just when did that clicking sound start?"
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What a lovely post, and so true! I think girls have always had the innate ability to be mean. As a child, I was terribly introverted, and would shrink away from these females who seemed to belong to another realm. I have even done the same to other girls, on a very subliminal level. And you are right- it is wrong to discriminate in any way. And even when I have to talk to a mean girl, I muster up a smile, introduce myself, and stay pleasant. She doesn't have to be my best friend, and she may dislike me, but that doesn't mean I have to do the same :)
ReplyDeleteGreat post! yes sometimes its hard to talk to that gal you have nothing in common with, but its of the Lord when you say hello and actually get into a conversation. Last sunday I debated over talking to a new person next to me and I wish I had struck up the conversation. I also chatted with another lady that was near my age instead of the older women who sat next to me. But after church was over I went and said hello and I was glad I did. Sometimes its hard to strike up a conversation, but I made 2 new friends in the process. Praise God! He is the one who can help us use our mouths for His glory.
ReplyDeleteOh! such a good article!! Thanks for writing...how many times do I say that? This is an issue I have been struggling with lately - it was good for me to read this!
ReplyDeleteI think the thing I struggle with in trying to reach out to others is that some girls intimidate me, and I don't feel I can be myself around them. It's easier to avoid them then to grow and learn through that feeling of intimidation. I have learned the hard way, too, and I'm in the process of really trying to change that side of me.
ReplyDeleteMK--sadly, we all have the ability to be mean! But yes, you are so right that we don't have to return evil with evil!
ReplyDeleteRebecca--Praise the Lord for such a fantastic testimony of what can happen when you go out of your comfort zone and let Him use you! It is hard, and we all fail, but I so appreciate you sharing your experience!
Elizabeth--You are so sweet! (-; I'm definitely glad to know I'm not alone in struggling with this issue, and I love hearing from you!
Samantha--Especially if you're on the shorter side, like me, and have to look way up to some girls! (-; The thing I have to remember is that the other girls likely feel just as intimidated. Even when I put aside my fear of man and walk up to someone and strike up a conversation, I still feel intimidated, even though the other person might never know that. But being in the process of changing is the best place to be! (-: