Single Identity

I recently shared my testimony with a special group of women, and now I am posting a portion of it here in hopes it might bless someone else!

 

I was actually quite content to be single all through my teens.  But there came a day in my early twenties when a good friend told me out of the blue that she had begun a courtship, and suddenly my "contentment" evaporated. It was very easy for me to think that I was content and happy with my singleness until He gave others relationships. And, like the child whining because a sibling got a bigger scoop of ice cream, I started to feel sorry for myself, wondering, "Why does she get to get married and I don't?" And it was then that the first lie about singleness began to creep into my thinking and subtly affect how I viewed myself.

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Lie #1: This lie says that if marriage is a gift from God, then it is inherently unfair that I am doing what is right and still am not married.

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If I indulge this attitude I am loving God only for what I can get from Him, not for Himself. I am saying that the reward for my righteousness is whatever makes me happy--like marriage--and if I don't get it, then life is not fair!

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Truth #1: The reward for righteousness is God Himself, and salvation. 

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If I remain single my whole life that doesn't mean that I didn't win the prize--because the prize is Christ! If I have Him in singleness or in marriage, I have enough.

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Lie #2: I am not married because I am not good enough. 

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Not beautiful enough, not interesting enough. Or I'm too introverted, too much of a book worm, or too conservative. This is not only a lie of Satan, but it was a huge warning sign that I had placed my identity in what others thought of me, not in my position in Christ. If you have struggled with falling for this lie, it may be a warning sign of a misplaced identity in your life as well. Many women of the world also recognize these thoughts as lies, but they respond with equally as empty proclamations of feminism. 

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Truth #2: Only God defines my worth.

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The truth is that I was expecting marriage to validate that I was worthy of being loved: I was making marriage my god, and I was unsatisfied, for only God defines my worth.

There are so many amazingly encouraging verses I could share, but I will just share this one that tells me that God chose before the foundations of the world to adopt me. 

Ephesians 1:3-6 " Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ, just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before Him in love, having predestined us to adoption as sons by Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the good pleasure of His will, to the praise of the glory of His grace, by which He made us accepted in the Beloved."

My value is not found in what others think of me: if it were, I would be sunk! It is not even found in my own righteousness, for my righteousness is no cleaner than filthy rags! My identity, whether in this stage of singleness, or possibly in marriage in the future, is found in my position in Christ.

Although part of my purpose right now is preparing myself with the qualities and skills a wife and mother would need to have, those are characteristics any godly woman should have! But my purpose also includes living for Christ now. Being content with what I have now. Being a servant now. Don't wait for "later" or for a magical wedding day to jumpstart your life! 

God brought me through this identity change several years ago, and when I realized that my place of singleness is not just a waiting around time but is actually God's best for me right now, I was able to then discover that God has a purpose for this time in my life.  The amazing providential thing is that at that point when I was learning contentment I never could have dreamed that in just a year or so my contentment would be tested in an even bigger way.  

I went from having friends begin relationships to having my identical twin sister and best friend starting a courtship, getting married, and moving across the continent.  I am so grateful to look back now and see that before that happened God was preparing me to trust in Him, to take Him as my reward, to find my worth in Him, to rest in His will for me, and to identify myself by my relationship with Him, not my relationship status.  When I truly accepted and believed who I am in Christ and that this time of my life is His very best for me right now, it made going through all of those life changes so much easier!

The beauty and mystery of each of our life stories will come into focus only from the vantage point of eternity.  For then we will realize that even the God-ordained relationship of marriage is only temporary, and that when I stand before Him in Heaven I will be accepted as part of His Bride, the church.  And that is my beautiful and true identity!

P.S.To read about a third and fourth lie we can be tempted to believe about singleness, check out these posts:
Single Jesus
The Myth of the No Man's Land Between Childhood and Marriage

“I Spy,” © 2011 Flood G, used under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial license: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc/3.0/.
Scripture taken from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Single Jesus

Last week I took a selfie of my heart and wrote honestly of the selfishness that plagues many of us, but especially young unmarried women.  This week I want to ask, "Have you ever considered Christ's singleness?"

I can almost see many of you purse your lips, squint your eyes, and ponder that question.   

We consider Amy Carmichael's singleness, we consider Corrie Ten Boom's singleness, and we consider Paul's singleness.  But we never quite stop to consider that the only perfect example we have was also single!  The realization that Christ was single on earth, still looking ahead to the glorious day when He could receive His bride, the church, was paradigm-shattering for me.  (Click here to read what I wrote when I first recognized this.)

What does this mean for me?

If Christ was tempted in every way that I am, then that means that He too was tempted to discontentment and selfishness .

Hebrews 2:17-18 provides two of the most comforting verses in Scripture: "Therefore, in all things He had to be made like His brethren, that He might be a merciful and faithful High Priest in things pertaining to God, to make propitiation for the sins of the people. For in that He Himself has suffered, being tempted, He is able to aid those who are tempted."

When Pity attempts to throw you a party, remember that Jesus admitted in Matthew 8:20 that He had "nowhere to lay His head." 

When Selfishness attempts to suck you in to put "Me Me Me" at the top of the priority list, remember that Jesus only had 33 years on earth to accomplish His purpose.  I fear these are the years that we singles waste the most, using them to grow up in the world rather than to change the world.

Jesus was not defined by singleness, but by His Sonship to His Father.  So I should not be defined by my relationship status, but by my daughtership to the King!

Nowhere in Scripture is Christ called "unmarried." 

Nowhere in Scripture is Christ called "single."

So while, yes, it is encouraging to consider that Christ is our perfect example in singleness, it is telling to understand that He is called Son of God at least 45 times, and that He refers to God as His Father even more than that.  

The beauty and mystery of each of our life stories will come into focus only from the vantage point of eternity.  For then we will realize that even the God-ordained relationship of marriage is only temporary, and the fullness of eternity brings with it the marriage of us, the Bride of Christ, to Christ Himself.  

With an engagement like that, who could waste this betrothal period of life in selfishness?

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“Camargue Horse,” © 2008 wolfgang staudt, used under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial license: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc/3.0/.
Scripture taken from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Selfie of a Single

Are all your friends getting married, but you've resigned yourself to the fact that the only way you'll ever find The One is if Prince Charming drops from the sky onto your windshield?

Did you spend Valentine's Day in pajamas?

Did you move your purity ring from your left hand to your right because you were tired of people asking if you were engaged?

If you answered yes to any of the above questions, then I hate to break it to you, but you are probably single!

Sarcasm aside, if God has you single right now, you can trust that you are in the best place possible to fulfill His will through you.  And the moment that changes, it won't take men dropping from the sky for you to notice!

In the meantime, I have noticed a troubling trend in myself as well as in other single girls.  It is a problem found both among unbelievers and believers.  It is a disability that threatens to blind us to the beautiful purposes for which God has us single right now, and render us unfit in God's army.

Wake up, my single sister, and  smell the odor of selfishness.  

As singles, we are particularly prone to this sin. 

Let's face it: you really have no choice but to die to self when you're waking up for 2 am and 6 am feedings every night (have fun, Mikaela!).  

You have no choice but to die to self when facing a mountain of chores and housework and entrepreneurial endeavors and homeschooling all at once!  

While not all married women are supremely selfless, marriage tends to refine you in that area rather quickly!  On the other hand, just like our shower seems to be the perfect Petri dish for mildew no matter how hard or often I scrub it, so the single years seem to be the perfect breeding ground for selfishness.  

But they don't have to be if you discover a few important truths.

Realize that isolation and insulation are the greatest allies of selfishness. 

Picture this: sweat pants on, bowl of ice cream in hand, your favorite movie or book at the ready, and you are set for a single's date night.  

I find that it is always at this juncture that a family member bursts into my room with a world calamity/English question/announcement that I have a pile of dishes to wash that rivals the Eiffel Tower in height.  And of course I respond, "Why thank you for giving me this sanctifying opportunity to deny myself!"

In all seriousness, though, my response when I pull my face out of that bowl of ice cream is the best gauge I know of for testing where my heart is at and who is on its throne.  And this is a huge part of why I continue to live at home.  As an adult under my parents' roof, I have freedom and adulthood, but I am also brought face to face daily with my own ugliness: I am selfless only as long as my own plans are not thwarted or my own comfort is not threatened. 

While I recognize that living on your own takes its own set of responsibility and dishwashing skills, there is really nothing like living in close quarters with fellow sons of Adam and daughters of Eve to bring selfishness to the surface, ready to be rooted out!  And there is nothing like isolating and insulating yourself from relationship for breeding selfishness like rabbits.

So seek out accountability.   Seek out opportunities to immerse yourself in relationships and service.  These are the greatest enemies of selfishness.

 

Check back next week for the conclusion of this post!

Honey, Do You Need a Tissue?

We girls understand getting emotional, even if guys sometimes don’t.  There are just times when one thing stacks up on top of another until the tower of turmoil becomes overwhelming.  Then there is nothing to do but to plop down in the middle of the floor and have a good long sob.  And by sob, I don’t mean the pretty kind of movie sob in which the heroine’s eyes glisten like diamonds afterwards.  I mean the full-on runny nose, splotchy red face akin to the chicken pox, and uncontrollable crying kind.  Trust me—I take the drive-thru with sunglasses on after that kind of a sob fest. 

And then there are the moments of shining glory in which emotions go the other way and the uncontrollable giggle fit starts.  It always happens at the worst moment, in front of people you most want to impress.  Suddenly you’re gasping for air, choking out a word at a time as you try to continue speaking without completely losing it.  Going, going…gone. 

While my family will tell you I’m not the most emotional girl in the house, when I have an emotional moment, I have a moment, and those aggravating emotions can seem to be all inconvenience and embarassment. 

But when I stopped to imagine the alternative—life without emotions—the prospect wasn’t attractive.  It’s true that the depths of loneliness, the twisting pain of being forgotten, the blackness of brokenness, and the bitterness of hurt would all disappear. 

But so would my knowledge of my need for my Savior. 

And so would my joy in finding His bigness and greatness far bigger and greater than my most back-breaking load. 

Not to mention missing out on heart-to-heart connections with those I love. 

In the words of Jesus to those whose emotions are salved by superficial hankies,

“But woe to you who are rich,

For you have received your consolation. Woe to you who are full,

For you shall hunger. Woe to you who laugh now,

For you shall mourn and weep.” {Luke 6:24-25}

By contrast,

“Blessed are you who hunger now,

For you shall be filled. Blessed are you who weep now,

For you shall laugh.

Blessed are you when men hate you,

And when they exclude you,

And revile you, and cast out your name as evil,

For the Son of Man’s sake.

Rejoice in that day and leap for joy!

For indeed your reward is great in heaven,

For in like manner their fathers did to the prophets.” {Luke 6:21-23}

When it all gets to be too much, and heartache moves in and tears threaten to flood your heart, remember that those painful emotions are a neon flashing light pointing to the cross where Jesus Himself cried out to God. 

When your heart yearns deeply to be loved by someone special, know that it indeed needs to be filled with love by Jesus every day. 

And when joy gushes from every pore of your being, don’t hold it in—leap for joy!

Treat your emotions as a daily (or hourly!) reminder to take your eyes off of yourself and put them on the glorious Christ. 

But in the meantime, if ever you see me in the middle of the floor with a red-spotted face, you'll know to bring the tissues!
 

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Picture © 2009 Kammuri Makoto, used under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial license: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc/3.0/.

Scripture taken from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Making Beautiful Baubles

 

There's a lot of window shopping that goes on on Pinterest. Take for example the unique pair of crystal earrings that caught my eye; I loved the rough-cut quartz that looked both rustic and feminine at the same time. When I set out to find myself a pair, I discovered some beautiful amethyst varieties on Etsy...for only $20 (plus shipping and tax). Needless to say, the thought of paying over $20 for a whim did not appeal to me. But when I discovered exactly the type of amethyst gems I needed in a cute Portland shop for only a dollar apiece, I jumped at the opportunity to make my own earrings!

You can find amethysts for $1.05 apiece here, but you want to pick stones that are roughly the same size, so a more sensible (and economical choice) might be to purchase 1/2 lb (7-12 pieces)for $2.95 (these ones are also supposed to be smaller than the first choice, so note the measurements and decide what look you'd prefer).

 

While I was at it, I also gathered a pair of brown wooden buttons and crystal buttons. These cost me less than a dollar per pair! How perfect would this be to include in Christmas presents? You can find the earring posts at this link on Amazon or at any craft supply store.

 

E6000 Craft Adhesive--this stuff is the best for jewelry making!

 

This took me back to my kindergarten days--seriously, all you do is glue, place the posts, and wait patiently! If I was making another pair, I would place the posts in the upper half of the amethysts. Because the rocks have some weight to them, they can droop, but placing the post closer to the top would solve this problem.

 

 

Placing the posts in the middle of the buttons worked just fine though, since these were lightweight!

 

 

I'm experimenting now with fabric flower earrings, but haven't quite perfected my technique and gotten them the way I like them. It's just another fun possibility, though, to try out, since you now have that whole bag of earrings posts that need to be used!

 

Happy Crafting!

 

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High School...Then What?

Photo Credit

Six months before I graduated from high school, when I had no plan, I felt as though I were racing at Eric Liddell speed for a giant ravine.  When the day came, I’d hold my breath, take a leap, and hope I made it across! 

 

Yesterday afternoon, five years later, I opened up an old hunter green composition book in which I printed in blue ink, “Life after High School.”  I still remember brainstorming the list, trying to think of every possible avenue to which the Lord might want me to give a wedge of time after I graduated.  Reading over it, I see a lot of opportunies I have completed, a lot of choices I still need to make, and a lot of options the Lord has recently brought that I never dreamed of at the time I wrote the list. 

 

Before I give my (updated) list, a few caveats:

·                     There is no human way to accomplish all of this.  Don’t try to stuff the ravine of the unknown with filler as a way to bridge the gap.  If a few ideas stand out to you, pray about them and bring them to your parents before cramming everything in.

·                     There is one noticeable exception to this list: college.  But I decided that was the old stand-by that everyone would write, so at 18 I left it off.  I still like that logic. 

·                     Be creative.  Just because you desire to stay under your parents’ authority doesn’t mean your list or life will look like mine!  This is just a compilation of a few ideas to get you started and productive. 

 

The List

1.      Memorize the Bible. (1 John, Psalm 119, etc.)

2.      Read at least one nonfiction book a month and write a report.

3.      Bake bread.

4.      Write a book.

5.      Help siblings with school.

6.      Advance in music.

7.      Teach music.

8.      Grow in character. 

9.      Be a servant.

10.  Help other mothers and learn from them.

11.  Put budgeting, buying, and making food into practice.

12.  Garden.

13.  Learn about car maintenance.

14.  Study and delineate Biblical guidelines on marriage, childrearing, and other relevant topics.

15.  Be a helper to my father.  Be a helper to my mother in practice to be a homemaker.

16.  Spend more time in prayer.

17.  Visit nursing homes.

18.  Be ready to defend my faith.

19.  Review First Aid.

20.  Study and apply So Much More.

21.  Write music.

22.  Sew

23.  Work on relationships with my siblings.

24.  Exercise.

25.  Develop other spiritual gift qualities.

26.  Work with a local homeschooling ministry.

27.  Blog!

28.  Look for ways to minister to other girls.

29.  Learn about natural health.

30.  Seek a mentor in an older woman.

 

Morsels to Digest

As a girl wanting to buck the world's status quo, don't get caught up in using your time, but do redeem it.

Don't find fulfillment in filling your schedule, but do be filled with the Holy Spirit and God's mission for you.

Don't measure your worth by your activity, but do judge your diligence by your habits.

It is a constant prayer of mine to be a productive, fruit-bearing woman of God, and I will be praying that for each one of you, no matter what season of life you are in!

What do you have to add to The List? 

 

“worldwide directions" © 2006 Andrea DM. Used under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial license: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc/3.0/.