Just Take the Batteries Out

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Watches are such inane devices.  Who wants to be constantly reminded of where the sun is in the sky?  Who wants a steady tick, tick, tick dividing your long life into a series of meaningless seconds?  Not I! 

 

When you consider it, seventy or eighty years is truly an infinite length of time.  27,375 days are far too many to comprehend!  It does not even seem possible that a person could ever find the end of them.  Certainly today is years away from the end of my life, and certainly tomorrow is hardly any closer to the end than today.  Weeks are but a means to the weekend, and they do not pile up into months, nor do months pile up into years.  If you truly believe that your life is endless, then that fact is definitely, without question, true, and acting upon this philosophy makes it even more true.  So here are my keys to living with a perpetual, endless, and interminable lifespan ever in view:

Schedules, to-do lists, and planning past today are the bane of any happy existence

Whatever you do, please do not imprison yourself, binding your moments with iron chains and your hours with steel bars that decree how you will spend those moments and hours.  There is nothing more stifling to creativity than a daily schedule.  You will find a heavy sensation begin to creep in upon you, and then you will be unable to breathe as the suffocation of scheduling strangles you until you madly dash off, throwing aside its horrors permanently.

Getting nine plus hours of sleep is vital

Those studies that claim that too much sleep is bad for you will go the way of eight track tapes and “the world is flat” theory.  For optimal enjoyment of your day and a more positive outlook on life, get plenty of sleep.  Even your morning chocolate bar will taste sweeter when you’ve taken proper care of yourself!

Make the Internet your best friend

Do not try to tell me the Internet is not a person!  Youtube is my bff, and Google gives way more reliable advice than any common sense another person could give me!  All my friends live online, and it’s like a 9-5 job just trying to keep up with everything!  Don’t tell me I don’t accomplish anything because, good gracious, I’m exhausted by the end of the day! 

Reward yourself

When you have worked so hard all day, you deserve a little alone time away from the family.  It’s perfectly fine to spend time by yourself indulging in some television, catching up with friends, or even just staring at yourself in the mirror.  Don’t let anyone guilt you out of this important “you” time! 

Take the batteries out

As simple as these four steps to freedom from viewing your life on earth as temporary and short may seem, they are often so hard to apply.  I understand, really I do.  Thus I share with you my number one tip: just take the batteries out of your watch.  In fact, have a battery removal party and take the batteries out of every clock in your house.  Your alarm clock?  For heaven’s sake throw that piece of trash out!  It should not even be in your house!  When you have completed this final step, you have truly committed, and you are truly one of us.  

Don’t worry about that getting old stuff

I have been implementing this philosophy since I was a teenager, and while I haven’t even been counting my birthdays since then, I can say that I have truly enjoyed myself!  When gray hairs cropped up, I simply dyed them; when my doctor told me I needed to exercise, I laughed in his face; and when he claimed that I have diabetes from my chocolate bar a morning habit, I left his office in hysterics.  It truly is sad how most people live their lives without an understanding of how to enjoy themselves, isn’t it?  Death is always hanging over them, but I feel like I could live forever!  Eat, drink, and be merry, right?

“So I commended enjoyment, because a man has nothing better under the sun than to eat, drink, and be merry; for this will remain with him in his labor all the days of his life which God gives him under the sun….Rejoice, O young man, in your youth, And let your heart cheer you in the days of your youth; Walk in the ways of your heart, And in the sight of your eyes; But know that for all these God will bring you into judgment. Therefore remove sorrow from your heart, And put away evil from your flesh, For childhood and youth are vanity….Remember now your Creator in the days of your youth, Before the difficult days come, And the years draw near when you say, ‘I have no pleasure in them’…Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God and keep His commandments, For this is man's all. For God will bring every work into judgment, Including every secret thing, Whether good or evil.”             -Ecclesiastes 8:15, 11:9-10, 12:1, 13-14

Disclaimer: This is a work of satire. Tongue...in...cheek.

Scripture taken from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.