There Never Were Such Devoted Sisters

My violin teacher once asked me, “Do you girls ever fight?” Mikaela and I looked at each other sideways and considered. “Well… no, not really. Every once in a while, I guess.” He squinted his eyes in disbelief, and a few weeks later he asked the same question again, as if he had been cogitating on it the entire time: “So you really don’t fight?”

A lot of people ask that, so Ruthie’s question that she submitted here a few weeks ago is a good one: “How have you two maintained such a great relationship, i.e. what advice you would you give to other pairs or sets of sisters?” Besides instantly thinking of the “Sisters” song from White Christmas (hence the title of this post!), several other things came to mind. Mikaela and I have always been the best of friends. No peculiar twin languages here, but we definitely have a special connection many people probably don’t. Besides that, we have two other sisters—the Little Women foursome if there ever was one—and although we have our struggles, I count my sisters as my dearest friends. Here are a few candid truths that have helped me to be able to say that. 

You’re Different—Understand and Embrace It!

No sisters are going to be exactly alike, not even identical twins! Mikaela and I do have different approaches and personalities, and we have had to learn to work together in a way that capitalizes on each of our strengths, rather than getting annoyed by what the other person is or is not. This really came to the forefront several years ago when Mikaela and I did a piano recital to support our Caring Pregnancy Center. There were churches and pianos to research, posters to be made and distributed, e-mails to be sent, a reception to be worried about, advertisements to be made, and the list went on and on.

Mikaela was feeling the stress, wanted to get everything done right away, and ended up taking over many of the jobs herself. I, on the other hand, was more relaxed about the to-do list, procrastinating, and letting Mikaela take charge of everything. This clash of approaches to doing a task led to Mikaela doing a lot herself. There were definitely moments where we were quite frustrated with each other—me because Mikaela was taking over all of the jobs or wanting me to do things on her timetable, and Mikaela because she was doing all the work and felt like she had to nag me in order for me to accomplish anything.

Finally, the lightbulb came on: we both compromised a bit in how we approached our projects, I tried to take more initiative and leadership, and Mikaela tried to delegate more and be patient with my approach! You and your sister may have no common interests or be ten years apart in age, but if you can learn to look at situations from her perspective, this will help immensely!

You’ll Have Problems—Don’t Let Them Become Arguments!

Just because I say that we rarely fight does not mean that we do not disagree—a few months ago we actually disagreed on a political point for the first time. But a minor problem (Um…you stained that shirt and didn’t even bother to wash it? Do you realize you are making me late for my appointment?) does not have to escalate into a full-blown argument.

Philippians 2:3 says, “Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself.”

The key here is yielding your rights: Mikaela and I share absolutely everything, we trust each other implicitly, and we strive to live in humility. You might argue, however, that Mikaela and I have an unfair advantage over most people in this department, because we had to learn to survive sharing a very cramped space for the first nine months of our lives. If we could avoid fighting when her foot was in my face and my fist was in her stomach, we can make it through anything, right?

Time and Talk Are Your Secret Weapons!

I can’t tell you the number of times Mikaela and I got in trouble for talking when we should have been sleeping. While we should have chosen more appropriate times for our chats, our tongues have definitely never had trouble wagging at each other! And therein lies an important truth: you are never going to have a good relationship with your sisters if you do not invest in their lives. So plan fun girly things like nail-painting parties and sleepovers and tea parties. But also pour out your hearts when you’re doing the dishes, and ask your sister to pray for you when you’re struggling with a weakness, and have Bible studies together.

Every once in awhile, my sisters and I will be talking and someone will bring up the fact that this cannot last forever. The talking turns to “Someday”, and we all know that “someday” we will be in our own homes, taking care of our families, and not able to have the blessing of seeing each other every day. Sadness inevitably descends on our lighthearted chatting—with a good helping of mushiness to boot! But then we laugh when we imagine our future 3 hour long phone calls and our children sighing, “Mama—it’s Aunt Mikaela—again. Are you going to be on the phone all day long this time?”

Scripture taken from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Picture Credit
1st picture: MixedUpMedia/Mari W
2nd picture: LAC/BAC
3rd picture: LAC/BAC