Why My First Kiss Was on My Wedding Day

Kissing is Beautiful in the Marriage Context

I grew up around kissing; my Papa and Mama demonstrated it regularly for all their children to see. When I was still in the pigtail stage, I’d tease them by exclaiming “gross!” But secretly, I didn’t think it was disgusting. When I was in the braces stage, I’d look the other way—but secretly, I delighted in the inexplicable security that came from seeing my parents kiss. And eventually, when I was in the “I-guess-maybe-I’m-an-adult-now?” stage, I’d smile at my parents’ romance and hope for the day when I, too, had someone to kiss. After years of observing it and now 5 months into practicing it myself, I can say with certainty that kissing is a wonderful gift. “Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth! For your love is better than wine {Song of Songs 1:2 ESV}.” 

Kissing Outside of Marriage Risks Temptation

So I grew up around kissing, but I also grew up being taught to save my kisses for marriage. I was encouraged to wait for that time when I had joined together with a man in the covenant of marriage—and only then to kiss my man. “Marriage [is] honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge {Hebrews 13:4}.” Once I grew past the pigtails and braces stage, however, I began to understand more fully why it might be a good idea to wait on kissing. And on the day of my wedding, when Joel and I had our first kiss, I understood even more. “So this is why we waited!” Joel and I said to each other.

  

Scripture doesn’t say that kissing outside of marriage is a sin; nor do I believe for one moment that unmarried kisses are sin. Nevertheless, God has a lot to say about lust, fornication, and adultery—and none of it is good. He warns against even a hint of such things {Ephesians 5:3}, and He commands us to flee youthful lusts and follow the things of God out of a pure heart {II Timothy 2:22}.  Jesus raised the bar on sexual immorality when He said that just lusting after a woman was committing adultery with her {Matthew 5:28}. Wanting to kiss is a natural desire—but acting on that desire outside of marriage opens the door to temptation and can easily lead to sin. “But each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed. Then, when desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, brings forth death. Do not be deceived, my beloved brethren {James 1:14-16}.”

Love Your Neighbor, not Kiss Your Neighbor 

One of the greatest ways Joel loved me (and I'm not just talking about romantic love, but also the second-greatest-commandment-love-your-neighbor kind of love) in our 19-month “pre-married” relationship was by exercising self-control and not kissing me. Likewise, this was a way I showed my love for him. For us, kissing each other at that point would have been purely selfish—fulfilling our own personal desires, knowing full well that the satisfaction and fulfillment of those desires would give birth to sin. As a sinner saved by the blood of Jesus Christ and operating under the astounding grace of God, I certainly had the liberty to kiss before marriage. (Remember? It’s not a sin.) But as I matured from my reasoning of “my parents say I shouldn’t and it’s gross anyways” to “I want to kiss this man that I love so much, but I also earnestly desire to walk in the Spirit,” I realized that my flesh and the Spirit are at war. “For you, brethren, have been called to liberty; only do not [use] liberty as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another. For all the law is fulfilled in one word, [even] in this: "You shall love your neighbor as yourself." ...I say then: Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh. For the flesh lusts against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; and these are contrary to one another, so that you do not do the things that you wish {Galatians 5:13-14, 16-17}.” 

I Waited Until My Wedding Day to Have My First Kiss Because I’m a Sinner

Notice that I didn’t say I “saved” my first kiss for my wedding day. Nor was there any mention during our ceremony that our public kiss was also our first. By waiting to kiss until August 30, 2014, Joel and I were not proving that we are Christians on steroids, or that our purity exceeds that of all the other Christians who have kissed before their wedding day. 1 John 1:8 says, “If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us.” If our deliberate choice says anything about us, it says that we are sinners who fall and fail every single day. It says that we recognized the war going on inside of us between the Spirit and the flesh, and that we wanted to give no opportunity to ourselves to sin.

Were we nervous about our first kiss (in front of 420 people no less!)? Certainly. Was it awkward? Not in the least. It was one of the sweetest, most romantic moments of my life—and it only got better from there. Have you considered waiting to kiss until your wedding day? I ask you to prayerfully consider it—not as some legalistic expression of holy, pious purity, but as a meaningful way to love your man (or woman) “as yourself” and as a practical way to avoid the progression of sin. It’s worth the wait! 

Happy Valentine's Day!

Photographs from our wedding taken by the incomparable Christa Taylor